Traditionally Lent is about self-sacrifice. This Lent, the hardest I have ever lived had imposed sacrifices, rather. During this season, I started and completed my cancer radiation treatment, and day after day I've mourned Luis' passing. I wanted to yield to my grief, stop the world, not eat or drink, cry and sleep at my own desire, but the treatment didn't let me. It required me as healthy as I could be. I needed to eat well, to be hydrated, and to rest and sleep properly. Though it was extremely difficult, I had to endure.My days were all the same. Get up at 4 am, be at work at 4:45, work until noon, pick up my mom at 12:30 pm, go to the Hospital, receive my treatment at 1:20, come back home at 2:00, work for another hour to complete my 8 hours, take a shower, put creams for the burned skin, watch with my mom Food Network for 2 hours, have dinner, go to bed at 7pm. Day after day during seven weeks. The weekends were quiet.
Social withdrawal, no blogging, no facebook, no emails, no phone calls. No running. And believe it or not, I found solace in my own isolation.
Lent is over and gave way to Easter, the foundation of Christian's faith. A time where death and life intertwines to give meaning to a new life, to A New Beginning.
Last Monday my radiation treatment was over and gave way to a new beginning as a cancer survivor. My husband was laid-off, though bad news, good news. California is over, and we have a new beginning. We are together again after two and a half years of being apart and seeing each other every now and then. And on this Holy Night, on this Easter Vigil, Luis has two months that left this world. And because on Easter death gives way to life, I know Luis is also living a new beginning.
Too many parallels between this lent and the sacrifices, and Easter and my new life ahead. This is the time I have chosen for my new beginning. Mourning will never end, but it will morph. Unanswered questions will continue flowing to give room to acceptance. I'll never understand it, but, I am faithful to my beliefs, His Kingdom is not of this world, and His Kingdom was promised to us. He conquered death and He lives forever. Though beyond our terrestrial comprehension, I pray for Luis enjoyment of the Kingdom of Heaven and an eternal life.
This is A New Beginning.
Happy Easter!
Felices Pascuas de Resurrección!
At the Hospital, with my mom the last day of radiation treatment. Infinite thanks to her who went with me every day during seven weeks.
Celebrating this week the last day of radiation treatment with hubby, son Diego and my mom.
8 comments:
Lizzie,
First of all, we have missed you. Reading as I just have what you have been going through, I feel so fortunate to have nothing more to worry about than my stupid bursitis. You've been in a battle much bigger than I. You've been through so much pain and grief, and you've made it to the other side. God bless you and your family, who've stood strong beside you.
Here is to you Lizzie - a survivor!! Here's to new beginnings.
Peace be with you Lizzie, peace be with you.
LL, you have endured so much. And you have done it with unprecedented grace. I am very proud of you and proud to call you a friend. Congrats on being done with treatment. You are a survivor in more ways than one!
Glad to have you back. Missed you around here. Grieving is a process. We don't get through it overnight. I too seek solitude during times of loss. I wish you well in this time of new beginning.
Lizzie, I too have missed you. I know you've been through a lot lately. Very happy to hear your radiation treatments are over and that you are back together with your husband. I'm sure something else will come along for him. It sure does sound like a wonderful new beginning for both of you!
Sometimes, we are challenged in our daily lives. You, Lizzie, have had your fair share during 2009! But I still feel that you are blessed!
Things are looking up! I am so glad that you are feeling better now!
Charlie
It is never the same when your spirit does not grace our lives! So glad you are about!
Out of sight, NEVER out of mind my freind. Thinking of you.
Kevin
You are a marvel of a human being - what seems to beat us down, makes us strong!
Thank God for the new beginning we have each day!
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